Adopting domestically was a decision my husband and I made because we wanted to experience parenthood from the birth of our child on. We looked into both International and Domestic Adoption. The idea of international appealed to us at first because we knew there was no chance of a Birth Mother changing her mind. But ultimately in our hearts we knew we wanted to adopt an infant.
In domestic adoption you should expect no time frame. The more open you are about race and gender the quicker you can expect to adopt. Decide up front how open you and your spouse are with willing to be with race, gender, handicaps and challenges. We knew that God would place the right baby for us in our arms. And He did!
We were extremely fortunate because we adopted fairly quickly with both of our daughters. I put my heart and soul into our birth mother letter. I strongly believe that this was the key to our being picked so quickly. When writing a birth mother letter you should try to put yourself in the shoes of the expectant mother reading your letter. It is easy to get carried away selling yourself because you want to adopt so badly. Include pictures of your family, talk about what type of upbringing the baby will have and talk about all your home has to offer. Make sure that pictures are clear and you are very specific and confident in how you will raise the baby.
Getting to know your Birthmother for the first time can be very daunting. In most cases you will have a facilitator on the phone with you or if you are meeting for the first time they will most likely be present. It is a good idea to bring some of your family photos and a small token of your appreciation. In both cases I bought my birth mothers a necklace with two adjoining hearts. I told them that they represented the love of the babies two mommy’s. And in the middle was a small diamond. After the baby was born I gave them the matching earrings to the necklace.
Make sure you decide before speaking to your birthmother how much contact you wish to have after the baby is born. Some birthmothers may surprise you in what they wish to have. It is important to have a very open mind when listening to what your birthmother has to say. Listen carefully to why she made her decision to adopt her baby. This will be important in the future when your child asks why he or she was given up for adoption. Remember that her circumstances might be pretty bad. Never judge. You both have the same goal: to provide the best possible upbringing for her unborn baby. Ultimately it is her decision who she wants to raise her baby. So be compassionate and allow her time to make her decision.
In many cases you must be able to travel to another state. In these circumstances depending on Interstate Compact Laws you may be in the state for a while after the baby is born. You are not allowed to leave the state with the baby until you are cleared to leave by the Interstate Compact for Placement of Children (ICPC). You should look into the typical wait time and allow for that amount of time. Remember to bring all the essentials with you. I brought a bassinet, bottles, clothing, diapers and formula. My adoptions took place in the state of Florida and in both cases it took 5 days to clear us to come back home. I think I was so happy I didn’t even realize that the time had passed when we received the clear to go home.
I want to wish you luck on your adoption journey. I hope this blog has provided a bit of insight into our domestic experience.
